el guapo taco
by nicolasamaria
Summary: Finn asks Puck and Britt to double date with him and Rachel. However, it doesn't go so well and Puck and Rachel end up spending most of the night together. Mostly Puckleberry with a little bit of fritters on the side.


_A/N: _hey guys! long time, no writing. I have a totally legitimate excuse though! ... okay, so maybe I don't. Life took over for a little while and writing took a backseat. Anyways, I started this one shot around the beginning of last year maybe and just never got around to finishing it. Until tonight that is!

Hope you guys enjoy!

p.s this probably isn't very accurate to canon at all because I haven't watched an episode of Glee since the superbowl ep. :T

-Nicole

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><p>It's not quiet, not at all. There's like … mariachi music playing and every once in awhile the guy on the recording lets out a loud <em>'Aye, aye, AYE!'<em> that scares the shit out of him every time it happens.

It just _feels_ quiet.

Maybe it's because no one at their table is saying anything, just kind of staring at their hands or at a menu or at something on the wall. Puck doesn't know how the fuck he ended up in this situation and he really wishes he had just said no in the first place because Finn is trying to play footsie with him under the table and that doesn't fly with him. He clears his throat and when that doesn't work, he steps on Finn's foot, hard. Finn stops looking at Rachel long enough to realize that it's not her he's trying to get fresh with. The dude actually blushes and mouths 'Sorry'. Puck just drops his head into his hands because seriously?

_Fuck. His. Life. _

– –

This whole shitfest started about a week and half after school does. Puck is just minding his own business, grabbing a book from his locker for his next class because he's still actually going to all of them since it's only his second week back. Give him another week and he'll be back to dipping out early and taking naps in the nurse's office. Anyways, he's trying to figure out why the fuck he has two math books when someone bumps into him, sending both books to the floor.

"Fuck." he mumbles, kneeling down to get his shit. Puck swears that this time last year, no one would even dare fucking bump into him, they'd be too afraid of getting tossed in a dumpster. But now look at him, all his s_treet cred _gone thanks to one tiny girl and her stupid fucking glee club. Because yes, he wholeheartedly blames Rachel for everything, it's easier than thinking about whose fault this really is, _his own_.

"Dude, I'm so sorry." Puck pauses the second he hears Finn's voice. He glances up to see his maybe-best friend looming over him, his backpack swung awkwardly over one shoulder.

"What the fuck, man?" he asks tiredly. "You can't watch where you're going?"

"I tripped." Finn offers lamely and Puck just shakes his head as he stands up, books tucked under his arm. "Listen, I need a no-questions-asked favor."

Puck perks up, thinking this might involve slashing tires again, "What kind of favor?"

"I need you to go onadoubledatewithmeandRachel tonight." Finn says, all in one breath, running a few of the words together so it takes Puck a second to understand what he said. When realization hits him, he doesn't even hesitate.

"Fuck no."

"Come on, man!" Finn, whines, not even surprised that Puck shot him down. "You owe me!"

"For what?" Puck asks as he slams his locker shut, the first bell rings and everyone in the hallway starts to run off to their classes. Puck's is on the other side of the school, but he's in no hurry to get there because it's Math and he hates Math. He's about to take off when he notices Finn standing there, gaping at him like a dumb ass and he just shrugs his shoulders because he still has no idea what the fuck he's talking about.

"Seriously?" Finn asks incredulously. Puck says nothing, just stare at him blankly and Finn glares at him. " You know for what!" he cries, making a circular motion over his stomach.

"Oh," Puck says quietly, feeling like a tiny amount of guilt before shrugging it off. "Come on, that was like one time I did that," he says nonchalantly as he finally starts to head for class. He's gonna be late since the second bell just rang, but again, it's Math. Like he gives a fuck.

"Puck, you got my girlfriend pregnant!"

Puck halts and cringes, _well when he says it like that … _He turns back around to face Finn, thinking of any plausible excuse he could give to get out of this.

"... I don't have a date," he tries, gritting his teeth and mentally slapping himself at his own lame-ass excuse. Seriously, in the heat of the moment he comes up with _that? _He could get a date with any girl in this school, he's _El Puckerone, _after all. Girls, and women, everywhere are susceptible to his charms … and guns, they can't help themselves.

But Finn is dumb and doesn't realize that Puck is totally bullshitting him right now. He just stands there thinking about it for a moment before perking up and nodding towards the other side of the hall where Brittany is standing in front of her locker, staring at it. "What about Britt?"

"Wha- no, _Finn._" Puck hisses, but it's too late. Finn is already on the other side of the hall, smiling hugely at Brittany.

"Hi guys." she says when they're both standing in front of her. Puck nods at her and Finn slings an arm around her shoulder, walking with her down the hall.

"Hey Britt, you busy tonight?"

She grins, "Watching Aladdin with my cat. He really likes to sing along to _A Whole New World._"

Puck stifles a laugh while Finn doesn't even blink an eye, "Oh, that's cool. You think he'd mind if you hung out with me, Puck and Rachel instead?"

Brittany takes a moment to seriously think about it and Puck can't believe that he's actually going to go on a date with this girl. Don't get him wrong, he loves Britt, she's sweet and really fun to make out with and she gives _really _great head, but they're not gonna be doing any of that tonight. So, he's kind of really hoping that she'll pick her cat.

"I don't think he'll mind." she says finally and Puck groans inwardly while Finn hugs Brittany tightly and then reaches over to clap him on the back. .

"Great!" he says excitedly. "I gotta go to class. Later guys." he finishes with a wave as he hurries off down the hall. Brittany waves back and Puck shakes his head before glancing down at his watch and then turning his attention to the girl next to him. Class started about five minutes ago and he can think of a lot more productive things he can do in the next hour than sit in class, falling asleep.

"You wanna go make out?"

Brittany frowns, "I can't right now, Ms. Sylvester says that if I fail Spanish again this year she's going to kick me off the Cheerios for being stupid. But we can on our date tonight!" she adds brightly before patting him on the head and then fucking _skipping _away.

"Fuck this shit." he says to himself after a moment of standing in an empty hallway, he's taking a nap in the nurse's office.

– –

Puck is beginning to think that there is something seriously wrong with Finn and Brittany as he watches them fight over a yellow crayon. Rachel's sitting next to him, glaring at Finn, who doesn't seem to give a flying fuck that his girlfriend is so obviously pissed off at him. He's too busy coloring the kid's menu both he and Brittany asked for as soon as they were seated. Puck's pretty sure Rachel had like, no clue that he and Britt were even tagging along on her lame date tonight. Mostly 'cause the second she saw the two of them she basically looked like she'd been ambushed. And then there's the fact that she hasn't stopped glaring at Finn for the past half hour that they've been sitting here.

But whatever, that's so not Puck's problem right now. He's just pissed because Finn somehow ended up sitting next to Brittany, so now there's absolutely no chance of him getting some under the table action. Also, Rachel keeps fidgeting and bumping her knee against his and since he's wearing shorts, he can feel how soft her legs are. He sticks his hands between his legs to stop himself from reaching over and smoothing a hand up her thigh, but she keeps doing it.

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Brittany announces suddenly, just as Puck is about to reach over and grab Rachel's knee. All of them look at her, waiting for her to get up, but she just sits there, staring at Rachel.

"... Yes?" Rachel asks slowly, moving her hands from her lap to the table and then back to her lap again.

Brittany rolls her eyes, "I said I have to go to the bathroom."

"I-I don't ..." Rachel stutters, looking from Puck to Finn, so painfully confused that Puck wants to laugh. It kinda makes him sad though, that he knows more about chick stuff than she does. But girls are like his _thing,_ so it's kind of his business to know what goes on inside their heads.

"She wants you to go with her," he says quietly.

Rachel turns to blink at him, "But why?"

"It's a girl thing, B. Just roll with it." he mutters, nudging her with his elbow. She frowns at him, still confused, but then looks up at Brittany, who's still just standing there, looking at her expectantly.

"I'll come w-with you?"

"Great!" Brittany says as she grabs Rachel's hand and pulls her up from the table, nearly knocking over their water glasses in the process. Puck steadies them with his hand and then looks over at Finn, who's now stuffing his face with chips and salsa, before kicking him in the shin.

"Ow," Finn says around the food in his mouth. "What the hell was that for?"

"Don't be a fucking dick. You're girlfriend is totally pissed at you and you're too busy playing footsie with me to fucking notice."

"I wasn't playing footsies!" Finn squeaks, his ears turning bright red.

Puck rolls his eyes, reaching across the table for a chip, "Sure you weren't."

Finn shifts uncomfortably, frowning at the bowl of salsa in front of him, "You really think she's pissed?"

"Yes." Puck answers bluntly before shoving a chip in his mouth. "What the fuck did you think was gonna happen, man? You just spring this double date shit on her at the last minute- Berry's a control freak, all right? Surprises aren't her thing."

Finn's face goes kind of blank and he looks up at Puck with that dumb ass expression that he wears so well, "But girls love surprises."

Puck almost chokes on his food, "Are we seriously talking about the same girl?"

Finn opens his mouth to speak, but then Rachel and Brittany are there, sliding back into the booth.

"That was quick." Finn says, smiling tentatively at Rachel, who looks even more pissed off than before. She smoothes out invisible wrinkles in her skirt and her arm brushes up against Puck's again, he's starting to think she's doing it on purpose.

"Yes, well … false alarm." she answers stiffly, sparing a glance towards Brittany before reaching for her menu. Brittany just grins at the two of them brightly going back to coloring the jalapeño wearing a sombrero on her menu.

And then everything is awkward again and Puck would rather stab himself in the eye with his fork then sit here for another half hour. He's gonna make Finn pay for this, he'll spring it on him like a ninja too. Nothing is worth this torture, not even getting his best friend back.

"Hello, thank you for joining us at El Guapo Taco, are you ready to order now?" Puck looks up to see _Santana_ with a foam taco on her head and nearly chokes on his own spit. She's not looking at them, just staring at her fingernails and Puck can't believe that it's really her.

"Fucking shit, San?" he asks incredulously and that gets her attention. Her head snaps up and her eyes widen in surprise for like a fraction of a second, then her face turns red and she's got like, steam coming out of her ears.

"What the fuck are you guys doing here?" she hisses and then she looks at Brittany accusingly, "Why would you let them come here when you know I work tonight?"

Brittany pouts, "I forgot."

Santana rolls her eyes, but Puck can tell that she's not really pissed off. He can't believe this is really happening, this shit is like golden. Santana fucking Lopez has a fucking taco on her head and he can't stop laughing.

She zeroes in on him, "I swear to God, Puckerman if you say anything about this I will end you." Puck wipes at his eyes, he was laughing so hard, and waves away her threat. He really doesn't think there's much she can do to end him when he has this kind of dirt on her.

"Yeah sure, hey, can I get a picture?" he asks as he digs out his phone from his pocket. Santana actually growls at him and is about to lean across the table when Rachel angles herself so she's between them.

"He won't say anything." she says quickly, her hair tickling his arm as it moves behind her.

Puck scoffs indignantly, "Like hell I won't, this shit is too good."

Rachel turns to glare at him, "Noah, my patience is hanging by a thread so I suggest that you _behave _yourself." Puck blinks at her for a moment, kind of surprised that she'd tell him off like that, he's kind of scared too. She's got that look in her eyes that makes him think that she's capable of mass murder and no one would ever find out it was her.

"Y-yeah. Okay." he says quietly, she smiles at him brightly and then goes back to looking at her menu.

"Now, I would like two potato tacos, no cabbage please and … a side of rice. Thank you." she says politely, handing back the menu to Santana who looks at her like she's mildly impressed. Then she looks over at him like she wants to kill him and he takes that as a hint to order as fast as he can.

The three of them all roll their eyes when both Finn and Brittany order the chicken tenders off the kid's menu.

– – – –

There's only one arcade in Lima and it's inside the bowling alley at the Main Street Promenade, right next to El Guapo Taco. Puck remembers going there with Finn when they were in middle school every day after they got out and playing Zombie Apocalypse for, like, hours on end. They beat the whole game twice and kicked some serious zombie ass while doing it.

The game is gone now, along with everything else that made the arcade cool. Which fucking sucks because he's probably stuck here for another hour while Finn and Brittany act like a couple of idiots. They're right in the middle of the most brutal air hockey match Puck has ever seen, it's so bad that Finn is almost crying.

Puck is just trying really hard to not think about the colossal fail that is his Friday night. Not even watching Finn get totally crushed by a girl at air hockey is going to make up for it. Fuck, he could be having sex right now and instead he's playing one of those lame basketball arcade games that gyp you on your tickets.

Anyways, he's feeling _really _sorry for himself and taking out his frustrations by throwing the basketball at the net as hard as he can. Needless to say, he is not winning.

"I don't think that's how you play that game."

Puck glances over his shoulder and sees Rachel, standing there with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. He shrugs callously and actually aims the ball at the hoop, it swishes through and the tickets speed out. He bends down to snap them off before turning to face her completely.

"Better?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

She shrugs and kind of hops over to the game, _she's so weird, _he thinks absently, sticks a token in and grabs the first ball that rolls down. She tries halfheartedly to make the shot, but the ball falls short and she sighs tiredly.

"Wow, you suck." he snorts and Rachel sends him a glare. He holds up in hands in mock self defense. She's already pissed off, and after earlier, he does not want her mad at him.

"I do not." she says as she grabs another ball, this time chucking it with more force, but still missing. "This game is just stupid."

Puck laughs and comes up behind her, "That's because you're not doing it right." he all but whispers in her ear.

"Here." he murmurs, handing her another basketball. She takes it hesitantly from his hand, squeezing it softly between her own. He takes a deep breath and tries not to dwell too much on what that makes him think of.

He sets his hands over hers on the ball, "Okay, placement is important." he says softly and moves her hand so their holding the basketball properly.

Then his hands slide down to her hips and applies a little pressure, "Loosen up a bit, keep your knees bent."

She does what he says, "And then what?"

"You shoot." he says with a small laugh. She cocks her head to the side for a moment before shooting the ball. It goes through the net, just like his did, and she turns around, squealing.

"I did it!" she cries happily as she launches herself at him. Puck stumbles back a few steps, but steadies himself and hugs her back quickly. He tries not to do anything weird like smell her hair or whatever since Finn is like right _over there_.

"Yeah, good shot, Berry." He murmurs when she steps away from him. Rachel just grins and reaches for another ball, positions herself the way he showed her and makes it in again.

"Yes." she says excitedly, doing a little spin. Puck just laughs and shakes his head as he goes to stand next to her. He glances at her out of the corner of his eye as he reaches for a basketball, this is the happiest he's seen her all night. Which is actually pretty fucking sad if you ask him, considering she was supposed to be on a date with Finn. Not that Puck minds, he actually likes Rachel, she's pretty funny most of the time, even if she's not trying to be. And the fact that she's really hot doesn't hurt.

"Hey, I've got an idea." He says quietly as he shoots the basketball. It swishes through and Puck grins at her as he hands her the last basketball. He tries not think about how sexy she looks as she bites her lip in concentration as she tosses it.

"What's that?" she asks as she watches it go through the hoop. Puck pulls out his last couple tokens and hands her one.

"How about I buy you an ice cream if you can beat me." he challenges, and Rachel rolls her eyes.

"You can buy me a sorbet. And deal." she answers with a little nod as she grabs the token out of his hand and puts in in the game. He does the same and suddenly they're throwing as many basketballs as possible. Rachel's giggling as Puck tries to distract her, gently tapping her with his hip.

"I'm going to beat you, Puckerman." she says with a laugh as she gets her third shot in a row. Puck rolls his eyes and grabs his next ball, making it in without even trying.

"We'll see." he mutters.

– – – –

Puck wins, of course, but he still buys Rachel her sorbet.

Getting her to leave the arcade wasn't as hard as he thought it'd be. He guessed she might be a little pissed at Finn because she didn't even tell him she was leaving.

"I can just text him, it's not big deal." She mutters as they walk out of the arcade.

Puck shrugs, "Yeah and I wouldn't want to interrupt that air hockey match, shit was getting intense earlier."

Rachel laughs quietly and nods, "Yeah, I thought Finn was going to start crying."

"Me too." Puck snorts as he sticks his hands in his jacket pockets. They walk in silence for a couple seconds, which Puck thinks is weird for Rachel since she's normally yapping a mile a minute.

"I think Finn and I have run out of things to talk about." she says finally and Puck looks over at her in surprise.

"I didn't think you could run out of stuff to talk about, Berry." he says with a nudge to her shoulder.

"Ha-ha, very funny." she mutters and punches his arm lightly. "I'm serious though. I think that's why he invited you and Britt tonight. Which was … so stupid, I can't believe he didn't even think to tell me."

"Yeah, well no one ever said he was smart." Puck grumbles, more to himself than to Rachel, but she laughs anyways.

"You're horrible."

"I try." he teases and then motions to the ice cream place with his head, "Come on, I believe I said I'd buy you a parfait."

"A sorbet." Rachel corrects as they walk up to the place.

Puck rolls his eyes, "Whatever." He holds the door open for her and she seems a little surprised at his gentlemanliness. Which, whatever, he can be a gentleman when he wants to.

Rachel orders a raspberry sorbet and Puck gets a giant scoop of fudge mint chip and they sit in a little booth at the back of the ice cream parlor. He kind of forgets how this whole thing started because he's actually having a decent time with Rachel right now. She's telling him a story about how she got her head stuck in the railings of the staircase when she was seven and he's laughing so hard he's almost choking on his ice cream.

"It's not that funny, Noah." She says with her nose in the air and continues to daintily eat her ice cream, but he can see the smile on her face. They eat their ice cream in silence for a few moments before he remembers what she told him when they first came in.

He clears his throat and looks down at his ice cream, "So what's going on with you and Finn?"

Rachel sighs loudly and shrugs, "I don't know. I feel like we've talked about all the stuff we have in common and now it's just … awkward. Like the other day, we went out to eat and I think the most we said to each was 'can you pass the salt?' How do you run out of stuff to talk about with your own boyfriend, I just … I don't understand." She finishes and takes a deep breathe. Puck is constantly amazed by her ability to speak for long periods of time without breathing.

He shakes his head, "I don't know what to tell you, B. Well, I do, but you probably won't like it."

She reaches across the table suddenly, startling the shit of him, "Please Noah, I'm open to anything."

He sighs, "Maybe you and Finn just aren't … right for each other."

She stares at him for a long second and he squirms a little, "That ...no. I mean, I have put so much time and energy into this, we can't just be _not right_ for each other." she says, her voice getting louder and edging into hysteria.

"Whoa, Rachel, chill. It's just my opinion, doesn't mean it's right."

"But what if it is? What if I put all this effort into something that's just not meant to be. I mean, I ruined relationships and lives, all for the sake of Finn Hudson and now we're not even … we're not even working out."

Puck blinks at her. "Wow, I don't think giving you all this sugar was a good idea."

"Oh, shut up." she snaps as she stuffs a large spoonful of sorbet in her mouth. Puck wants to laugh, but he can tell she's on the verge of having a full fledge panic attack, so he retrains himself.

"Look, Rachel." he says quietly as he leans across the table, "I mean, it sucks that things might not work out, but that's life. Things happen for a reason and obviously we're all different peeps 'cause of all the shit that went down. We're probably all better for it, or whatever."

Rachel blinks at him, "Noah, that was so insightful."

He scowls at her, "Shut up."

– – – –

He drives her home since he knows it'd be all kinds of awkward if they went back to the arcade. She sings along to the radio the whole way there, even the songs she doesn't know. If it were anyone else, he'd tell them to shut up, but he actually really likes listening to her sing. She's in the middle of singing along to some new Bruno Mars song when they pull up to her house. Puck switches off the engine and looks over at her.

"Thanks for the ride." She says, almost shyly.

"Anytime, B." he mutters and she grins at him. He wants so badly to kiss her right now, but she's not his girl and he can't do that to Finn a second time.

"And thanks, for letting me talk to you about Finn. I don't … I don't really have anyone else to tell all these things to." she mumbles as she looks down at her hands.

"Just don't tell anyone. Can't have people thinking I'm soft." he says seriously, but Rachel just laughs.

"Of course." Then she leans over and kisses his cheek. He turns his head to look at her and she's just staring at him and her mouth is like centimeters away from his. _Don't do it, do not kiss her _he chants to himself over and over in his head. She licks her lips once and looks down at his before scooting back across the seat.

"I should go." she whispers.

"Yeah." he mutters, his voice hoarse.

"Bye Noah. Thanks for buying me sorbet."

"No problem." he returns with a salute. Rachel grins at him as she hopes out of his truck and gives him a little wave before running up to her house. He wants until she's inside before he bangs his head against his steering wheel, he can't be crushing on his best friends girl, not again.

_Fuck. His. Life._

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><p><em>AN:  
><em>I'm hoping to have Thank You for Last Night updated by this weekend! Sorry for such the long wait on it. D:


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